Do you ever wonder just what God was thinking when he (or she) created weird animals like the duck-billed platypus? I’m kidding, of course, God didn’t invent animals, they evolved, but it’s fun to imagine conversations god had with himself (or herself) and with the angels while coming up with things like kangaroos and giraffes.
People on social media have been making jokes about God creating certain things for years, and here are some of the best ones.
Corgi: why are my legs so short?— Oops!...I Dad It Again (@NewDadNotes) February 4, 2019
God: that’s just what legs look like.
Corgi: oh cool.
[giraffe walks by]
God: you weren’t supposed to see that.
God: you can repeat everything you hear.— Oops!...I Dad It Again (@NewDadNotes) November 21, 2018
Parrot: humans are the worst and I’m probably gonna kill them in a flood soon.
God: what’s it gonna take to keep this quiet?
Parrot: I wanna live in a Tropical Paradise.
[God creating the ocean]— flaubert flav (@themiltron) June 8, 2015
GOD: Just put water friggin everywhere.
ANGEL: Nice, that way if they’re thirsty, they—
GOD: Make it undrinkable.
[God creating spiders]— regular matt (@matt___nelson) June 18, 2016
"Make it have 8 legs"
Seems excessive but ok
"And 8 eyes"
You need to calm down a li-
"Give it a butt rope"
GOD: 8— Jon (@ArfMeasures) June 4, 2018
GOD: We shouldn't do this drunk
ANGEL: 10 lol
ANGEL *mouthful of pizza* 25
CENTIPEDE: *tearing up* stop giving me legs, I look stupid
GOD: ONE HUNDRED LOL
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God: you can breathe underwater!— Oops!...I Dad It Again (@NewDadNotes) January 13, 2019
God: also eat and drink underwater.
Fish: so where do I go to the bathroom?
Fish: just on the land or something?
adam: [naming the birds] tits— shen the bird (@Shen_the_Bird) September 23, 2018
god: lol ok but let's take this a little more seriously
adam: blue-footed boobies
god: you can't name all the birds after boobs
adam: [pointing to rooster] cock
GOD: my latest creation will have the body of an ape, the voice box of a parrot, the skin of a pig, and the intelligence of a dolphin. I call it Human, and it will destroy everything else I've made— wwwdmmmffnn (@woodmuffin) January 27, 2019
ANGELS: [confused applause]
god: i have made Mankind— Dr Charlotta Lofqvist (@jon_snow_420) October 28, 2015
angels: you fucked up a perfectly good monkey is what you did. look at it. it's got anxiety
[God making coconuts]— Roxi Horror ?? (@roxiqt) February 3, 2019
ANGEL: Hair on the outside?
ANGEL: Milk on the inside?
ANGEL: So, this is another mammal?
GOD: [taking bong rip] lmao, no
God: what are they doing down there?— The Dad (@thedad) August 20, 2018
Angel: they are making milk from almonds
God: what?! I gave them, like, 8 animals to get milk from
A: they dont like that milk
God: [mockingly] tHey DonT LiKe THat miLk *flips a table*
Swordfish: my nose looks ridiculous.— Oops!...I Dad It Again (@NewDadNotes) January 16, 2019
God: at least you have a cool name.
God: I could have made you look ridiculous AND have a dumb name.
Swordfish: but why would you do that to someone?
Hammerhead Shark: yes God why would you do that to someone?
[god creating bees]— flaubert flav (@themiltron) April 8, 2015
Put a needle on its butt.
“Come on God, wha—“
Make its puke delicious.
God: you’re the largest bird in the world.— Oops!...I Dad It Again (@NewDadNotes) January 19, 2019
God: you can weigh up to 345 lbs.
God: and run up to 43 mph.
Ostrich: makes sense, gotta get a running start if I’m gonna fly good.
Ostrich: I mean that’s just science.
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God: you’re gonna be beautiful your whole life.— Oops!...I Dad It Again (@NewDadNotes) December 21, 2018
Butterfly: yeah I better be.
God: [to Angel] I don’t like his attitude make him an ugly hairy worm for half his life.
[Biblical Times]— robotic crab (beep) (@roboticcrab) October 24, 2018
God: oh shit
God: I just realized I've been leaning on the frog button
God *giggling*: They are gonna be so tiny.— robotic crab (beep) (@roboticcrab) November 23, 2018
Angel *writing*: ants... tiny... got it.
God *suddenly tearing up*: but omg so strong.
GOD: there, my first animal 🙂— tater tot bros (@thetits) February 8, 2016
SNAKE:youre not done right? How am I supposed to move?
[god creating mushrooms]— Skoog (@Skoogeth) July 23, 2018
god: some go on pizzas
angel: ooo tasty
god: some make you trip balls
god: and some just fucking kill you
angel: you ok buddy?
[God creating cat]— Troy Fatout (@teeroy99) February 5, 2019
God: make it furry, sees at night, makes cute sound when it’s happy
Angel: sounds like a good pet.
God: and shits in a box]
Angel: little odd, but cleanliness is next to Go...
God: and hates things on counters. #original
God: you get to sleep like 20 hours a day.— Oops!...I Dad It Again (@NewDadNotes) February 2, 2019
Sloth: but that’s way too much sleep.
Sloth: yeah no I heard it when I said it.
Octopus: I’m just saying eight legs is too many legs, I look ridiculous.— Oops!...I Dad It Again (@NewDadNotes) July 28, 2018
God: oh. ok. hey snake?
Snake: what’s up?
God: octopus, tell snake what you told me.
[god creating seahorses]— paperwash© (@PaperWash) May 20, 2018
angel: any more ideas for animals?
god: ok, what if tiny saxophones could swim
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[god creating owls]— Romantic Garbage (@R_P_Nunes) February 13, 2018
Angel: So,...what now?
God: Hmmmm. I want a retractile ball of feathers
A: We can do that
G: And big, disturbing eyes
G: Also, make it spin its head so it looks posessed
A: I don't think th-
G: And it pukes balls of dead animals
G: DO IT, NOW!
*Creating bees*— Krispy Memes Boi (@memes_krispy) February 5, 2019
God: Make then highly beneficial to the ecosystem
Angel: Sure thing, boss
God: Give them the greatest knees of all time
God: I'm calling this a horse— Jon (@ArfMeasures) May 24, 2018
Angel: Wow you're so clever, creating an animal that can pull carriages, transport goods, and can help plow the fields!
God *just wanted a chair that can run* thanks
Rooster: please don’t make me say anything ridiculous.— Oops!...I Dad It Again (@NewDadNotes) November 28, 2018
God: like what?
Rooster: I don’t know, something like cock-
God: [nods to himself] that is pretty ridiculous.
*creation of the kangaroo*— Gina (@ginadivittorio) January 25, 2018
God: Okay so the deer was a big hit let’s work off that
Angel 1: What if it could carry it’s offspring with it for protection
God: Okay that’s kind of weak Sharon but we’ll add it
Angel 2: What if it could kick the shit out of you
God: There it is
*God creating tigers*— Gina (@ginadivittorio) April 4, 2017
"What if an animal had every advantage imaginable"
*God creating guinea pigs*
"What if it had none"
[boarding the ark]— Kyle ? (@KylePlantEmoji) June 8, 2018
Bold Eagle: Bold Eagle
Hyena, from the back: more like BALD eagle lmao
Noah: lmao *marks down bald eagle*
[creating babies]— Patches (@Mostly_Cheese) February 3, 2019
God: Make them tiny and fragile and defenseless, with weak immune systems.
Angel: Um OK ...
God: And make it their first instinct to put their mouths on shopping carts.
[God creating animals]— Prakhr Srivastav (@prakhrrrr) February 13, 2018
God: I want to create a bag of evil.
Angel: And name it something really sweet.
Say hi to the 'Jelly Fish'
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[creating animals]— Janie apparently not a nun (@AtticusFinch79) September 23, 2016
God- I want an animal with 2 humps
Angel- And a cute face?
G- Yes.. And make them spit at humans
God: you’re basically the same animal but one of you is cuddly and cute, and the other is a lying backstabbing bastard.— Oops!...I Dad It Again (@NewDadNotes) November 5, 2018
Weasel: I hope I’m the cute one.
plant: so they get to walk around and stuff?— Skoog (@Skoogeth) September 11, 2018
god: [putting finishing touches on animals] yup
plant: i’m GREEN with envy lol
god: [starts creating herbivores]
GOD: [at end of a long day creating animals] Ok, what if a cow ate magic mushrooms and saw its reflection in a pond?— paul bassett davies (@thewritertype) December 9, 2017
ANGEL: *draws giraffe*
GOD: Let’s do it.
[God creating animals]— Ditz McGee (@DitzMcGeee) August 11, 2018
God: go forth, multiply, be fertile!
Cow: i will provide man milk & meat
Horse: i will help man travel the land
Dog: i will be mans loyal companion
Gecko: i will help man save 15% on his car insurance, in 15 minutes or less
[inventing the parrot]— dream ghoul (@TheDreamGhoul) February 18, 2015
HOW ABOUT LIKE A TYE DYE CHICKEN WHO SCREAMS ACTUAL WORDS AT YOU
God: you have to give birth.— Oops!...I Dad It Again (@NewDadNotes) February 4, 2019
Male Seahorse: ok. cool.
God: oh. so you aren’t mad?
Male Seahorse: why would I be mad?
God: n-no reason.
Male Seahorse: I’ll just ask the other fish fellas how they do it.
ANGEL: Oh God look at that creature I’m terrified
GOD: Jesus Christ!
ANGEL: Don’t blame your kid. This is all your fault.
CENTIPEDE: look who’s clever now
— Alex Harrowell (@yorksranter) June 5, 2018
God: (creating angels) alright now give them a ring— Charles (@CharlieFlani) February 2, 2019
Jesus: ok (dials number) halo?
h/t: Bored Panda